Survival strategies in disguise from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Kleinmond | Wellness Therapy by Pierre
- wellnesstherapybyp
- Sep 10
- 10 min read
Overberg Mental Health Kleinmond: Trauma Informed Therapy for Recovery
Kleinmond teaches honesty.
When the tide pulls back, the rock pools appear and the coastline shows its hidden shape. Many traits you were told simply are not you, but the shoreline after a storm. If you grew up with narcissistic abuse or chronic criticism, the patterns you carry are not random. They are intelligent survival strategies that kept you safe. They can be softened, updated and chosen rather than obeyed. This article unpacks how survival became a style, offers practical steps you can use in Kleinmond, and explains how trauma-informed counselling can help you reclaim choice.
Why traits can be strategies
Children learn for safety first, accuracy later. When love is unpredictable or arrives with control and contempt, the body writes rules. Keep the peace. Stay useful. Make yourself small. Expect the drop. The nervous system links specific cues with danger and builds fast routines to avoid harm. Those routines harden into habits. In adulthood, they look like your personality. Underneath, they are strategies. You are not broken. You adapted. Recovery is about writing new rules that protect you without shrinking you.
How survival becomes a style
There are two forces at work. The first is conditioning. If a certain response reduces conflict, the body repeats it. The second is memory predictions. A painful event teaches the nervous system to expect the same outcome in similar situations. Together, they create reflexes that feel automatic. People pleasing is a reflex to keep approval available. Hyper independence is a reflex to avoid disappointment. Suspicion of love is a reflex to prevent manipulation. Each reflex once had a purpose. Now the context has changed, and your life asks for a different shape.
Six common survival strategies and how to update them
Over apologising
Quick apologies reduced conflict and prevented punishment (It was diplomacy in a child’s body.) Saying sorry became a way to soften every edge in the room.
You apologise when someone bumps into you. You say sorry for existing. You rush to make amends even when you have done nothing wrong. Meetings start with an apology. Messages end with one. It keeps people calm, yet it erases you.
Replace apology with acknowledgement where possible. Try saying thank you for waiting instead of sorry I am late. I appreciate your patience; instead of being sorry for the delay. Keep a small card with two lines. Line one, pause and breathe out. Line two, choose thanks or clarity. Read it before you reply. This retrains the moment your mouth reaches for sorry. A tight chest and a small drop in the stomach just before the word sorry slips out. That is the moment to pause.
At Wellness Therapy by Pierre, through Trauma-informed therapy, you are guided to map where the apology reflex began, install a slower breath pattern for social moments, and script alternative replies that keep the connection without self-erasure. In a few weeks, you can expect a measurable drop in automatic sorries and a rise in calm, neutral statements.
Struggling with boundaries
Saying yes kept adults calm. Your needs felt like fuel for conflict, so you hid them. Agreeing quickly avoided rage, sulking or silent treatment.
You agree, then resent. You fear anger. You feel guilty when you rest. You volunteer for tasks and regret it later. You say yes, and then your body says no by getting sick or exhausted.
Boundaries are not walls. They are doors with handles. You decide when to open. Start with small doors. Use micro scripts on your phone. I need to check my diary. I will confirm tomorrow. I cannot do Friday. I can offer Wednesday at four. That does not work for me. Here is what would. The language is plain. The tone is kind. The message is firm.
Heat in the face and a rushing urge to answer quickly. That is the red flag that an old rule is writing your reply. Delay every non-urgent yes by twenty-four hours. If someone presses, say tomorrow. Watch resentment fall as clarity rises. Try one honest no per week and record the outcome. Most people adjust. Those who punish your clarity show you that the boundary was needed.
At Wellness Therapy by Pierre, you will be helped in finding boundary sentences that fit your voice and role. You can practise the tone in session, learn to tolerate the first seconds of silence, and record positive outcomes. Over time, the fear of anger drops because your body has new evidence that firm kindness is safe.
Difficulty trusting love
Affection once came with strings. Love carried manipulation or sudden withdrawal. Distance kept you safer. The nervous system expects the pattern to repeat, so closeness triggers a warning.
You test good people. You leave first. You stay close to those who confirm your old story because familiarity feels like safety. You interpret ordinary pauses as rejection and push the other person away to regain control.
Trust is a gradient, not a cliff. Build it with small tests that are passed consistently. Use a two-column check after contact. Column A, behaviour I observed. Column B, story I told myself. Compare the two. Ask what else could be true. This loosens the grip of fear and breaks the loop where old predictions write the script.
Push and pull at the same time. Leaning forward, then a sudden urge to run. Name it quietly. I feel the old reflex. Then return to the facts of this moment.
Choose one safe person. Share one extra sentence more than usual, once a week. If fear spikes, use grounding rather than self-sabotage. Walk at Kleinmond harbour, breathe out longer than you breathe in, look at three fixed points, then reconnect. Over time, the body learns that closeness can be safe and that space can be negotiated rather than taken by flight.
Wellness Therapy by Pierre applies Trauma-informed counselling that can help you name predictions and test them in a graded way. You will practise clear asks, notice consistent follow-through, and learn to end ambivalent relationships without punishing yourself.
Hyper independence
Relying on others risked disappointment. Control felt safer. Doing it all yourself prevented the shock of being let down. You carry everything alone and call it strength. You are exhausted. You struggle to rest because stillness brings fear. You overwork to avoid vulnerability, and the body pays the bill with tension and sleep loss.
Interdependence is an adult strength. Share the load a little and notice what happens. Use a two-step delegation drill. Pick one low-stakes task and ask for help. Let the helper do it their way unless safety is at risk. This is not about perfection. It is about building trust through experience.
Jaw tension and the thought, fine, I will do it myself. That thought is a signal, not a command.
Make one request for help per week. Ask a neighbour to feed the dog, a colleague to proofread a paragraph, a friend to drive one school run. Write the result. Most people say yes or offer an alternative. Your nervous system learns that help can arrive and that you remain safe when you are not in total control.
At Wellness Therapy by Pierre, a therapist will help you map the first disappointments that triggered this reflex, write realistic standards for shared tasks, and work through the grief of what you did not receive. Relief follows. People often report fewer headaches, better sleep and more laughter.
Intense self-criticism
If you beat yourself first, others could not land the blow. The harsh voice felt like armour. It kept you scanning for errors so you could avoid an attack. Perfectionism, procrastination and a sense that nothing is ever enough. You only feel relief when you are crushed because collapse ends the fight. The voice sounds like a parent or teacher. It claims to be the truth.
Keep standards where they serve you and remove contempt. Accuracy replaces cruelty. Use an inner voice filter with three questions. Is it specific? Is it fair? Is it helpful? If any answer is no, rewrite the line as if you were speaking to a friend. This is not soft. It is precise.
A drop in the chest and a narrow tunnel of attention. That is when the critic takes the microphone. End each day with two facts and one kindness. One thing done. One thing learned. One sentence you would offer a friend who tried as you did. Keep a small notebook. The brain starts to expect fair treatment, and your work improves rather than slips.
Counselling from Wellness Therapy by Pierre can help you separate your voice from the echo of other people. You will practise fair self-talk, set realistic deadlines, and replace frantic perfection with steady excellence. The change is visible in how you start tasks and how you finish them.
Feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions
You became the household pressure valve. If you could soothe the adults, you might be safe. You learned to read the room and adjust yourself to keep the peace.
You scan faces for moods and fix without invitation. You feel guilty when others are unhappy. You spend relationships managing other people while your own needs go unmet.
Empathy is healthy. Responsibility for other people’s feelings is not. Use a two-line boundary that you can speak aloud. I care about you. Your feelings are yours, and mine are mine. I will help where I can, and I will not carry what is not mine. This keeps warmth and restores agency.
Leaning forward posture, held breath and searching eyes. When you notice it, lean back, breathe out and let silence do some work.
Do not offer solutions unless asked. Reflect on one sentence. You sound hurt about what happened. Then wait. You will feel the urge to fix. Let it pass. You will discover that people often find their own steps, and that your body relaxes when you do not carry the whole room.
Therapy from Wellness Therapy by Pierre will help you untangle care from control, practise reflective listening and design boundaries that fit your family culture. Over time, you will feel lighter. Relationships become cleaner and less crowded.
A practical one-month plan for Kleinmond
You do not need a city clinic to heal. You need steady steps.
Week one.
Stabilise the base: Fix your wake time. Spend ten minutes in morning light on the coastal path or in your garden. Reduce caffeine after noon. Make two short phone calls to supportive people. If faith is important, include a five-minute daily prayer or meditation. Sleep quality and connection form the base for change.
Week two.
Boundaries in action: Practise the twenty-four-hour delay for any non-urgent yes. Prepare two boundary scripts you can say in a calm voice. Try one honest no and record what happened. Plan one small act of rest without guilt. It might be a slow tea by the river at the Palmiet mouth or a quiet half hour with a book.
Week three.
Trust and connection: Choose one safe person and share one extra sentence. Ask for one small piece of help. Notice that help can arrive and that you remain you. This week is about interdependence rather than control.
Week four.
Voice and meaning: Run the inner voice filter each night. Write a three-line story of the month. What was hard? What do you try? What will you keep? This creates a clear narrative that carries you into the next month with choice and dignity.
When to pause and seek extra help
There are times to step back from self-guided change and bring in support. Pause and seek help if sleep collapses for more than two weeks, if panic or dissociation makes daily tasks unsafe, or if thoughts of harming yourself or others appear. Speak to your GP. Tell a trusted person. Use local crisis pathways as advised by your practice or clinic. If you prefer pastoral support, choose Wellness Therapy by Pierre who respects boundaries and collaborates with health professionals.
Frequently asked questions
Will I lose my drive if I stop being so hard on myself?
No. Cruelty is not the same as standards. Accuracy plus kindness improves performance because your nervous system is not stuck in defence. People often find that steady excellence replaces frantic perfection.
What if someone gets angry when I set a boundary?
Their reaction reflects their capacity, not your worth. Keep the boundary. Offer an alternative where possible. If they punish you for self-respect, review the relationship. Your peace matters.
How do I trust love without being naive?
Use gradients. Make clear asks. Run small tests. Watch for consistent follow-through. Trust grows from repeated reality, not from leaps of faith.
Conditioning. Learning shaped by repeated outcomes: The body remembers patterns and prepares for them.Window of tolerance. The band of arousal within which you can think, feel and choose without shutdown or overwhelm.Grounding. Sensory or breath steps that bring you to the present. Feet on the floor, long out breath, describe five things you can see.
Boundary: A clear statement of what you will and will not do, with an action plan.
Why does local care matter in Kleinmond?
Healing is easier when the plan fits your place. The Overberg pace helps. Short walks along the coast, quiet rooms, and a strong sense of community make it possible to practise new scripts and notice how your body settles.
Local therapy means fewer travel barriers and more follow-through. Trauma-informed counselling from Wellness Therapy by Pierre in Kleinmond combines evidence-based methods with rituals that support sleep and belonging.
The work is practical. Two primary measures and one secondary measure are tracked. For example, weekly symptom score, sleep efficiency, and number of practised boundaries. Progress becomes visible.
How does counselling support change?
Therapy sessions from Wellness Therapy by Pierre do three things.
i. They slow the body so learning is possible.
ii. They map the old rules so you can see them.
iii. They help you practise new rules in small, repeatable steps.
Various approaches are used to update painful memories. The pace is humane. The aim is function and dignity, not force.
A closing word for this coast
You learned to bend because the wind was strong. That was wisdom at the time. Now that the gale has passed, you can decide how you stand - Not rigid, not collapsed. rooted, flexible and alive. If you are ready to turn survival strategies into chosen strengths, book a session with Wellness Therapy by Pierre in Kleinmond and begin with one small step.
Ready for trauma-informed counselling in Kleinmond? Book a free 20-minute clarity session with Wellness Therapy by Pierre. Together, we will update the rules your body wrote in childhood and build a calmer, clearer life.
Pierre +27 82 822 1283
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