Grief

wellnesstherapybyp
Dec 3, 2025
3 min read

I recently read someone alleging that:

Grief researchers have proposed that the heaviest waves of loss rarely strike at the beginning. In the early weeks, the brain works intensely to keep a person functioning, which may delay the emotional crash.

Some labs reported heart-rate patterns showing a stress spike only around the third or fourth month, when people imagine they are “doing better,” even though the body is only then releasing what it had held back.

Memory studies suggest a similar pattern: right after a loss, memory centres appear muted, almost protective. When this numbness fades, everyday cues—a smell, a sound, an empty chair—suddenly hurt again because memories sharpen and emotions intensify.

After around six months, routines that once provided distraction lose their strength. Stress hormones settle from their early peak, sleep shifts, and sadness becomes harder to block, leading families to believe they are “slipping backwards” when it is simply another layer emerging.

It is also alleged that scientists describe emotional waves that return as the brain tests whether the world is safe without the person who is gone. They say that small reminders act as probes, intensifying if the system feels overwhelmed. After a year, the loss becomes processed as reality rather than shock. This phase feels quieter but heavier as the brain rebuilds its map of life.

My response to the grief Process

In response to this, I need to point out that:

Grief is neither a single, predictable clockwork nor a chaotic mystery.

It is a set of overlapping adaptive processes:

Immediate shock and physiological arousal.
Temporary cognitive numbing that protects memory systems
Gradual cognitive and sensory reintegration that can re-intensify emotion weeks to months later, and long-term re-mapping of identity and world-safety that may return quieter but deeper sorrow around meaningful anniversaries.
Timing varies by person, context and vulnerability (prior mental health, support, type of loss).
Physiological markers (heart rate, HRV, cortisol, sleep changes) and neuroimaging correlate with phases, but they explain tendencies more than deterministic dates.

At Wellness Therapy by Pierre, I translate these truths into care steps:

1. Psychoeducation. One must normalise phased patterns: explain that emotion can return later as the brain “permits” memories and tests safety. Because naming the process reduces self-blame.

2. Screen for risk. One must monitor for prolonged grief (persistent, impairing yearning, functional decline) and refer for targeted treatments.

3. Somatic regulation. Where one assists the client in breath, bodywork, HRV-friendly techniques, practices that help the autonomic nervous system shift toward parasympathetic dominance, the “rest-and-repair” state (slow-paced breathing, extended exhale breathing, coherent breathing, gentle touch therapies, etc.), sleep hygiene and trauma-informed touch (massage, reflexology) to stabilise autonomic arousal. Evidence supports physiological dysregulation in early bereavement; somatic tools are reasonable adjuncts.

4. Memory-focused interventions. When memories return sharply, I help clients process sensory triggers with grounding, meaning-making, narrative and, where appropriate, exposure-informed techniques used in CGT. (Hypnotherapy is used effectively for imagery and emotional regulation - conservatively and within scope.)

5. Anniversary and relapse planning. Anniversary and relapse planning prepares clients for possible later waves (months or around anniversaries). Clients are taught self-compassion, relapse plans, and when to escalate care.

I believe that my multidisciplinary tools position me well to offer an integrated, trauma-informed grief service, and I see frame returning waves as expected brain-body work rather than personal failing. My motto is “There is no greater gratitude than witnessing Waterfall Tears being transformed into Sunshine Smiles and being part of the transformation”, which fits a compassionate, evidence-linked model of care within the modalities I am skilled and experienced in.